Ode to the Packers

Dad lost his cell phone yesterday...........this is its memoir.....

To the Packers,

For 30-years, I have been a faithful fan.  Really, I never had a choice. To grow-up in northern Wisconsin, you are an expected Packers fan.  All else are shunned and asked to leave to Minnesota, or worse, Chicago.  But now, you’ve shattered my confidence, my 30-years almost for naught.   I’ve been there when you didn’t win, and then, by almost a miracle you’d pulled it off, twice.  But now, I’m concerned that even the trophy named after your legacy may be fading away.

You see, yesterday, I was doing what die-hard Wisconsin Packers fans do on Sundays.  Ice fish and listen to the Packer game.  But, now it is 2015, the Galaxy 5 has replaced the AM radio on the ice.  And, I’ve moved, but nevermind that, once a Packer-fan, always a fan, right?

I knew you would beat Seattle.  They’ve been our nemesis ever Holmgren left for the West.  Who leaves Green Bay for another Team?  How could you leave low salaries, frozen turf, and bratwurst at Lambeau field?  It never used to be this way.

But I knew you’d beat the Seahawks.   Just knew it.  I’ve grown up now, my family and daughters are part of the tradition; sitting on the ice peering through a small hole, waiting for the next touchdown.  But, like I said, we’ve moved to New Mexico.  No-one here knows ice fishing.  They look at Beaver-Dam tip-ups like they were made in Mars, not Beaver Dam, Wisconsin.  They have rules about ice-safety.  We can’t walk on the ice until 10 inches has formed.  Wisconsinites know that 10 inches can support a 10-car caravan – a trick learned cutting shortcuts across the lake after 2 am tavern closings. 

No, New Mexicans are not ice fisherman.  They fish for trout through the ice.  What respectable ice fisherman would fish for trout, when yellow perch swim in the same waters?  Yellow Perch were made for ice fishing.  Why else would Lent be extended to every Friday of the year?

So, now I still go ice fishing, but there is a problem.  You see, they don’t have AM Packer radio in New Mexico.  And the perch population has exploded here.  So, we actually catch fish through the ice.  This creates a dilemma – fishing or listening.  I try to do both – that’s what a good Packer-fan should do.

Fortunately, there is 4G even in northern New Mexico.  So I watch, and listen, and fish.  I know that you’ll win.  You control the entire game, it’s a certain trip to Super Bowl XLIX.  We’re catching fish, lots of fish!  This isn’t like growing up.  You’d always lose, and we’d never catch anything.  Times have changed.

It’s the fourth quarter, something happens.  Something terrible, you’re letting up, the game is going to overtime.  I pay more attention, but the fish are biting.  I pull my phone out to check, time for sudden death – you’ve been here before, you can do it.

The fish bites and I pull up the rod.  It’s an ice fishing rod I’ve had since the beginning.  No fancy reels and rods, those just freeze solid.  It’s a stick and a string, straight off “Grumpy Old Men”.  The FISH, is big, I pull up through the hole, and I hear something.  “Wilson to Kearse……….” 

The Hand sometimes comes in strange ways.  I remember seeing that on our honeymoon at the Sistine Chapel, but here is different.  This is a Wisconsinites congregation – among the Yellow Perch and listening to the game. 

The FISH surfaces, and the hook tears loose.  This one can’t get away -I lunge towards the hole in the ice.  This FISH is worth the wet arm for the glory of catching.  “Wilson to Kearse………”FISH!…….to the hole…….”Ker-splash”………Success!.............silence.

I’m left with the FISH.  My 4G AM radio drifting silently to the inky depths.  I never learned French, but this comes out without hesitation.  One word spoken.  Its only four little letters.  My two-year old’s eyes go wide – “Dad, are you okay?”

It was probably the same way that I learned.  On the ice with an AM radio, but now it’s a 4G phone.  I’ve been spared from the disappointment of learning what you’ve done.  It was a miracle in disguise.

 You’ve dashed our hopes for 2015, we start again with nothing.  You’ve left us with an unsatisfying loss.  Packer apparel will be expensive again, the only demand is Wisconsinites; and we’re a frugal lot of Scandinavians and Germans.  The same “4” jersey’s are still being handed down. When you win,  everyone is a Fan, and the cheap Chinese knock-offs even make it to the North. 

But, I have the FISH.  It’s a beautiful specimen.  I add it to our unbelievably growing pile.  My two-year old caught her first today, and then 20 more after that.  We have nearly a hundred gold and black treasures flopping on the ice.  The moment is priceless.

Until……my wife reminds me of THE PHONE.  I didn’t help pick them out.  It was a package deal.  But, I was adamant we wouldn’t pay for insurance.  Robbery and Thievery!  But, then again, I didn’t know what we had. 

Six Seanotes!!  I bite my tongue so hard it bleeds………I’ve already spewed enough French lessons for the day.  I smile………….a hundred perch on the ice is better than any 4G network.  And, I have another 9 months before I need a new AM radio.  Here’s to the next 30-years, hopefully we can put more than 2 rings together during those!

BTW – If you need me, send a FB post – I’m going “off the grid” for awhile.